When you poker movie has the tag line “Live to Ride, Ride to DIE!” you know you are walking into the sort of cinematic experience that only the late, great Ed Wood could appreciate. Poker run doesn’t involve the drama of a WSOP tournament, or the fun of “Showgirls” style stripper gang war. This is basically a wannabe snuff film that is shoehorned into the setting of a biker poker run.
We start with two main characters. I would tell you who they are but this movie is so bad that they don’t deserve names. Basically they are bored suburbanites who are not satisfied with being among the last dozen people in the USA to have jobs. While experiencing boredom with their careers and families, and in the throes of a scorching midlife crisis, these guys decide that motorcycles will help them recapture their lost youth. Our heroes start participating in motorcycle poker runs, but run afoul of some legitimate bikers. The real bikers don’t take kindly to suburban posers, and kidnap their doting and unsatisfied wives. In order to save the lives of their significant others, our protagonists must complete a series of challenges. If they don’t, their wives will be killed in some extremely gross and painful ways, or forced to go to Sturgis…whichever is less humane.
In short this is a horrible movie. It is sort of like the unholy mating of the film Easy Rider and 12 labors of Hercules. Only see this film with people you don’t like or if you are in the sort of mood where Doctor Kevorkian is your hope of escape. Otherwise, stay far away from this film. You would be better off renting something like “Connan Goes to Six Flags” or “Tootsie”.
