Rarely does a poker strategy article include the words “take a 30 minute break and lift some weights”. Nor do the words “Texas Hold’em” and “elliptical machine” often appear in the same sentence. In fact, the previous statement is probably the first time it has ever happened. In short, poker players rarely burn anything that resembles significant calories when playing casino poker or online poker. The sedentary activity combined with buffets, leisure snacking and drinks is a perfect storm for considerable weight gain. While the only people this lifestyle usually affects is the poker player, their cardiologist, Dolly Madison, and any girl who responds to a pick up line that has the words “rub the Buddah belly” worked into it, the husky poker fan may want to steer clear of to Peru (or the entire continent of South America) to keep from being killed for their excess fat
A gang hanging out in the Peruvian jungle has been kidnapping and killing portly residents and tourists in order to cut the fat from their bodies and sell it on some sort of demented cosmetics black market. While experts are saying there is no major market for black market fat, the word of “experts” is not worth what it used to be. It wasn’t so long ago that “experts” were telling us that reality television was a fad and Global Warming was real. Several survivor seasons, two Flava Flav shows later, along with thousands of newly released emails that show Global Warming scientists were making the whole thing up, and “experts” suddenly have much less credibility. In other words there is something more dangerous than a triple bypass out there for those who qualify as “big boned”.
In the world of poker players, a well padded rear can make sitting through marathon sessions of casino poker and online poker much more comfortable. A pronounced gut gives us a place to put our beer, and those whose poker strategy involves cheating, rolls of fat make a good hiding place for contraband cards. Of course when Texas Hold’em is your major form of exercise, you have to watch out for people who want to take your fat from you, so that middle aged women can have pouty, kissable lips or a “J-Lo” rear. Stay away from South America until the authorities can discourage this practice and get them back to dealing drugs.
