Well, okay, the title of this column is a little misleading. I will concede that with fifty World Series of Poker events in the books, one could probably conclude that Doyle’s shot at an 11th bracelet are probably on life support, but were somebody to stick a thermometer into Mr. Brunson, they would find that he is a healthy 98.6°. Why are we talking about this? Because we are now six months into 2009 and Doyle, contrary to the prediction made at the start of the year by Mack Rawden’s “Blend Celebrity Bucket List”, Mr. Brunson is still actively converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
At the start of the year, the famous celebrity bucket list predicted that Doyle would assume room temperature this year. The premature toe tag they put on his still living body was “death by obesity”. I will admit that Doyle does not fall into the “svelte” category. I would go so far as to suggest that the owners of a number of Vegas buffets die a little inside when Mr. Brunson enters the room (especially if Todd is with him). With six months of 2009 gone though, he is still in good health.
Doyle was so confident in his chances of survival that he bet the lists author $10,000 that he would still be here to raise a glass and enjoy the Bowl Games on New Year’s day 2010. With half the year gone, it would seem that the only chance Rawden has of cashing in on this bet would be if he smothered Doyle with a pillow while the man slept. If they are still taking money on this bet, I would put my shrinking 401 K plan on Mr. Brunson living through the year.
If you want some good bets on people who may be gone by the time Santa makes his annual trip down the chimney, here are five people who may have all their questions about the afterlife answered before the end of 2009:
Hulk Hogan – While we could cite his admitted steroid abuse, suspected HGH abuse, and the fact that most professional wrestlers don’t make it to the age of sixty as a reason for this pick; the fact that he is dating a girl who looks almost exactly like his own daughter. This level of ickiness has GOT to be fatal.
John and Kate – God will have to look at the train wreck these two have become, look at the kids, and push the “smite” button for the good of the children.
Nancy Pelosi – We learned from the film “The Wizard of Oz” that water dissolves Wicked Witches, so one would think that her living near the Pacific Ocean would ensure an early demise. While this may ultimately cause her death, the truth is that it seems she hasn’t figured out that the “tox” part of the word “Botox” stands for toxin. Looking at her face one would assume she is injecting enough of this stuff into her mug to freeze the earth in mid-orbit, let alone get rid of her forehead crinkles. There is only so much poison someone’s body can metabolize before you become a Madame Tousso exhibit.
Perez Hilton – There is only so long somebody can live as grade A bunghole before karma looks in their direction and does what feels right.
